
Relationshifts
Something happens in our most important relationships.
A couple gets married, and forms a new bond. They may become parents. No longer just two, but now they shift to being a family.
Parents raise their children. The children shift into adulthood and independence. They leave home. Parents must let go and make that uncomfortable shift, too, giving children the opportunity to become responsible adults.
Parents shifting from protectors to friends. This is a delicate dance. Advice given only when invited. Parents learning to hold their tongues, respecting boundaries, and watching their grown children making their own shift into marriage and family.
There comes a time when parents are older and begin to need their children more and more.
This is not an easy shift for either one. It seems unnatural for mom and dad to have to lean on their child, and most are fiercely independent and fight this inevitable shift.
Children are often forced to shift into caregivers, removing keys, taking away the responsibility of mom and dad’s finances, having concerns over their medications, and finally guiding them into living in safer places, when ill health, or diseases like Dementia and Alzheimers may enter the picture.
Most of us never talk about these inevitable relationshifts.
Shouldn’t we talk about these common shared stages of life and the shifts that occur?
We could help each other through these highs and lows of life.
We are dealing now with Mike’s mom’s dementia, failing health, falls, finding the safest place, and losing the “mom” that was once in there. It has been a rough road. The dying brain leads to behavioral changes, weakened bodies and minds, then to childish and often unsafe behaviors. It is a delicate balance and a reality that the parent you knew is not the parent you know and are trying to protect now. If we had known then what we know now, that so many others are also going through these same shifts, what a difference it could have made!
I’m more in tune now when a friend shares about their aging parent. I want to commiserate, to reassure, and impart any helpful tip I can to make their journey through this stage just a little smoother. At the very least we can know that we aren’t alone making our way through these relationshifts.
Do you have a support group of people for the stage of life you are in?
There are mom’s groups, and couples weekends.
You can find classes to learn about child-rearing, support groups for parents of teens, and groups on aging. Churches are a great help at all the stages of life, too.
No matter what the season of life you are in in your Relationshifts,
Let’s make a pact not to go it alone!